I got my Cadillac pewter keychain today. It is so sweet. Makes me wish I had a webcam so I could show the world how much I love eBay. I can give my pop his Alfa Romeo tag back now. “In Living Color” has replaced of an hour of MASH on FX. I’ve forgotten how hilarious this show is. I woke up in the best mood this morning. I had the dirtiest dreams about Jamie Oliver. He was cooking for me, yelling at me, and then cooked for me some more (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). This time, the term “Naked Chef” was to be taken literally. Have you ever watched his show, “Pukka Tukka”? The best part is the ending credits where he’s making love to his food. Watch it next time with a dirty mind and tell me it’s not the most pornographic thing you’ve ever seen. It’s so beautiful When I start feeling this way about Alton Brown, then I will be worried. Have I mentioned that the only network I watch nowadays is the Food Network? I wish it was on 24 hours a day. I bet it could be. Damn. I missed 4:20.

If you can’t already tell I haven’t been able to work on my site as much as I would like. This is actually good and bad news, because it means that I finally found a job. I’ve recently started selling and renting porta potties and restroom trailers to contractors/homeowners for Porta Potty Pros. Porta Potty Prosl stands out from other porta potty rental companies because they offer really low rates and fast service, which makes my job as a salesman pretty easy. Check them out or hit me up if you ever need a porta potty in Los Angeles, or anywhere else in So. Cal.

Still is sitting, STILL is sitting… three hours later. And I’m hungry. Here are my two first official Photoshop graphics: this and this. I think I like the green one better. Well… they aren’t 100% Photoshop. I cut him out and then used Corel Draw 9 to make it a transparent gif and then did my voodoo. I’m much more comfortable at the moment using Corel, and I don’t know when I will give it up. I’ve been told I should. But for now, I am happy. If you want to see more, go to the portfolio. It’s not all of them, these are just the new ones.

This is Photoshop week in school. I am thrilled to be there. The first thing of real use we learned today is how to select pictures with the lasso tool. So I get home and apply it to the most natural of all objects: a half-naked picture of Chris Cornell that will be completed and used in the future. Who else am I going to cut out? Duh. I already have a Caddy ready to go that I didn’t need the select tool with… so much talent, so little time. Just kidding. I’m a little out of my head tonight, I had to pick up some Midol and I feel like the way I did the first time I did speed. Well, not really (it’s not really like my first time on coke, either, it’s hard to explain). I can’t even explain what THAT was like (and the story of my first time trying cocaine is funny, but funny like a clown committing suicide). So I’m here, about to go trolling for images, listening to one of my eBay bootlegs, being quite content at a quarter to three in the morning. I have a dental appointment in 11 hours. That bites, I don’t want to go. I’ve been going to the same dentist for 16 years and now I’m 1400 miles away from her. This won’t be easy. Man, I haven’t listened to Soundgarden in a long time. In the car, I have “Dummy” and “Portishead” on at every waking moment and haven’t changed the tape in about 3-4 months. I think I have concluded that I like “Dummy” more because her frame of mind is heartbroken and lost, but not angry and vengeful like it is on “Portishead”. But I can relate to both about equally. The first time I heard “Dummy” was the night I tripped on some nice homegrown mushrooms. That was one amazing night. I’ve been thinking of adding a “Bus of Shame” to my site. That is something I got from the Kids in the Hall a while ago — to be on a bus with all the people that you’ve ever slept with. What a ghastly thought: Would you want to be on a bus, just you and all your past partners? I’d have a nice cross-cultural mix of society. Hello, my name is ________. I pride myself in being able to name all the guys I’ve been with these past 11 years. I’m in a chatty mood. That could be trouble.